Time to get serious
I feel like I haven’t shared that much personal stuff with you guys, so today I’m gonna talk to you about my past and what I’ve been through in terms of family. This post might be long and redundant but bare with me.
I’ve mentioned that my parents separated when I was one years old. I was so young that I feel like it didn’t affect me at all. My mom was always afraid that the separation would affect me in a negative way.
Since she absolutely wanted me to feel like I was in a “normal” family and wanted me so badly to have a relationship with my biological dad (I don’t even call him “my dad” to be honest) but any who - that she “forced” me to see him every couple months or so. I say “forced” because I that time I was so young I never wanted to go see him, I was always super stressed out, crying, etc. But my mom just wanted me to have a normal relationship with him, so she kept trying and trying.
Until one day, he had a new girlfriend, I think I was 6 at that time. I had never met her, my mom didn’t even know what she looked liked, neither did my grand parents. That weekend my grand parents had to drive 6 hours just to get me there because he didn’t want to drive half way. So my grand parents drove me 6 hours, stopped at “the drop off” stop (I always called it that because I hated that “drop off” day like you couldn’t imagine !) and there we were waiting for my dad. Did he show up ? Of course not, his new girlfriend did. Right then and there I started crying I was so stressed my grand parents told me later on that that day I was just so stressed out, I didn’t want to go that I was actually sick on the drive there. My grand parents not knowing what to do got me in the car with this women, and we left. My grand parents felt so bad, they did not want me to leave with this women, but they knew how much it meant to my mom, so they let me go. Once I got there, and my dad showed up I literally started to be sick (as in sick I mean vomit – Sorry for the TMI). I don’t even remember but I think I didn’t even last the night and my grand parents went and grabbed me so we could head back home !
When my mom heard this, she told me “I will NEVER force you to go back there again” I remember that day so clearly, I was soooooo happy I wouldn’t have to go back there you had no idea ! But again my mom felt so bad that she couldn’t make my dad have a relationship with he’s only daughter (at the time). For years me and my mom joked about it, after that day I think it was probably 5 years before I saw him again. Not even a phone call, birthday card, Christmas card, etc. nada.
The only time I went to visit him again was when my sister (from his side) was born. When she was around 2 years old I went to see her with one of my cousins. It was the only way I was going to go. I also told myself that my sister never did anything to me, she deserved a big sister that will be there for her. So for my sister I tried again. I went a couple times and three years ago I actually went to visit them in BC (where they lived at the time) and we had a blast ! I feel like by that time my dad was actually trying, but the damaged was done. I didn’t care I was trying to be nice but I was so over that crap. I was doing this for my sister.
The day that I had enough.
This past December his girlfriend sends me a message asking me if I wanted an ipod shuffle for Christmas. My first reaction was “WTF” I never got any gifts for Christmas from him so I was seriously confused. So I said sure whatever. Her next line was “Oh ok I’ll twist your dad’s arm to he’ll get it for you”. Euhm, okay first of all I didn’t ask for any of this, second of all really “twist his arms”? For and ipod that’s worth 100 $ So being through this BS all my life I didn’t except anything and just kept on living without thinking about it.
I did tell me mom as soon as this happened though ! So knowing about this, right after Christmas she asked me if I did get that Ipod or a card after all ? I didn’t even remember (I have built over the years a resistance wall I guess)
Then furious since they hadn’t even said Merry Christmas, my mom reminded my of how much promises were said and not kept all my life.
(Sidenote : one day he called out of the blue and promised me we would go to “wonderland” – a theme park in Canada – When that day came he never even called, my mom was so frustrated that her 9 year old daughter was let down again.)
So again this Christmas he failed to keep his promises again. I told her I didn’t care but them she made me realize that it was his girlfriend who had promised me this and probably didn’t even tell my dad about it. Probably just being manipulative.
By then I had had enough. That same day I wrote a hugeeee message about how frustrated I was, how I’m done with this crap and how he will never see or know my children, how he will not be a part of my life anymore. His response you may ask ? Of course, as usually, he was blaming my mom for everything, saying he will never changed that’s how he is, etc. etc. I then blocked him from my life (his girlfriend included), sent a message to my sister saying it’s not her fault, I just don’t want to deal with it anymore and that I love her and always be there for her no matter what. She was really mature about it and response that she understood and that she loved me as well.
This past year when I decided I couldn’t live with this crap anymore was the best decision of my life. I’m glad though I kept in touch with one of my uncle and aunty on that side of the family ! I have two amazing cousins that I did and do want to keep a relationship with.
Since my mom was a single parent for 8 years I spent a whole lot of time at my grand parents house. I developed an amazing relationship with them ! They are my parents ! My mom of course and my stepdad are as well ! (My stepdad as been in my life for over 15 years now ! So he’s definitely someone who was there for me growing up).
Even though my mom was afraid I’d grow up without a dad, I gained so much more by having an amazing and supporting family! I have two dads and two moms ! I couldn’t ask for more! My mom and my grand parents have been the best thing in my life! They have always been there for me, helped me through rough times, etc. There just the best and I’m so thankful !
Mom if you’re reading this one day, you should know that you are the best mom ever and that even if we have disagreements (most of the time) you made me who I am today and you did a great job! <3
I feel that everything happens for a reason and I don’t regret anything in my life. I feel like that makes me who I am today.
I’m also sooo thankful for my boyfriend ! We’ve been through a lot together and he’s been by my side from the moment we met <3 I couldn’t ask for anything better. We lived and are living a pretty stressful chapters in our lives right now but I love you and I’m so glad I have you in my life <3
I’m so glad that after all this everything turned out okay. I could of easily taking a wrong turn (I had my rebellious moments don’t get me wrong), but I stayed strong and wanted to prove to myself and my family that all this BS made me a better person and I’m proud of what I accomplished. I didn’t have it easy at times but I made it.
Ouff that was long, I feel like there’s a million stories about this I could tell you guys but I’ll stop with just the basics ! I’m not writing this for a pity party ! I just really wanted to share this because it’s a part of who I am today.
Have you ever dealt with similar situations?
How did you overcome that situation ?
Do you believe everything happens for a reason ?
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